To be able to face, with clear eyes, the pain we have suffered in our lives, to recognise its place but not let it destroy us or overwhelm us, is a great gift. Readers with there eyes wide open will now see that I am right. Do you agree that in a family court that on the b of p it is more likely the professionals are right? Should we feel ashamed about it? Dear Reid When inhumanity occurs ,it is due to false ideology, arrogance and dogma on the part of the perpetrators and that includes Guardians. Whether this is conspiracy to pervert justice or not is difficult to say but I can understand why some victims might suggest it because it would also be the duty of the Guardian to protest; in fact maybe all three sets of lawyers should if they all want a fair hearing. If supported by their legal team or indeed if they are acting under such strict directives from lawyers, some stupid ( and possibly gender-biased SW’s would regard it as their duty to permanently liquidate any family where a father has bashed his wife no matter what the circumstances. My view, as an ordinary parent bearing in mind the separation of powers and other principles , is that should the young girl in question and other damaged children need money spending on their care especially medical care then it is the duty of the authorities to supply it . Especially interesting is discussion between folk with opposite opinions. If a father has parental responsibility and there is no court order in place preventing him, then there is nothing inherently ‘unlawful’ in turning up at school and taking your child; In my experience in the South West, the police are highly unlikely to act if a child is with a parent who has parental responsibility, provided no court order is breached and they are satisfied that the child is safe and well; HOWEVER the police will act to prevent the commission of a crime and to maintain public order. Do not smother it in some kind of unpleasant sarcasm. Who can put the child’s needs above their own adult desires. I wrote quite clearly on this occasion and others that violent men should be brought to justice, punished if found guilty and when necessary imprisoned to protect his family and others. The process of family law is biased—against the family itself. It’s the job of a criminal court. If the LA says it can’t finance it, force it to do so or discharge the care -order. These things don’t have to be true, just generally believed to be true. They are entitled to make these decisions because PEOPLE VOTE FOR THEM. This will never happen because it is manifestly NOT the will of the people to see taxation increased. “The court is really telling people in the administration of justice, particularly trial judges, that we have to protect and preserve and assure the public that the principles at the core of the system are being maintained and promoted.” Counsel for Budd declined to comment. Is this really enlightened behavior to the benefit of children ? I think in general terms you are correct but there IS blatant court bias in some instances and with certain judges because I have spent two years dealing with it. I agree with you Sarah, we cannot rid gender bias and general bias towards LA’s by professionals and it is my view that it will affect justice in 9ivil family courts with only one Judge. ( my bill – just under £30K) Another good example of engrained gender bias comes from my beloved mother. I have been following this subject for many years and have experienced Family Court from 2003 to 2008. Violence is wrong. Why has a District Judge made such an order on a one sided ‘story’? I have over 400 research papers and this number is still growing. I also point out that you should ALWAYS take time to get particular advice tailored to your particular situation, before deciding to do or not to do something. This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. I would like to share my story. Perhaps then you will support calls for a programme to recruit more men into those fields – similar to the excellent and well funded campaigns to recruit women into STEM subjects? Speculatively this is caused by them seeing some of the worst examples of neglect and violence (they are hearing cases after all) which tends to make them ‘naturalistic social sexists’. The double standard comes if a stay at home dad tried to pull the same nonsense he would rightly be lambasted and rebuked. In 2008 I took a step back as I saw what the war was doing to my children. Therefore contact should never be cut stone dead until he has been found culpable ( by whichever standard of proof we want). I do appreciate your time and honesty. A man must be punished . Not just the parent who has to go for contact. Recent pediatric brain research does support Bowby’s and subsequent researcher findings about the nature and consequences of insecure attachment. This is a very important discussion and I hope we can open some minds. convictions if any Courts are impartial environments and when I was submerged in them, I wanted the Judge and CAFCASS to feel my pain. I think its important that we look at a system wide analysis rather than focus on the idea of whether any individual element in isolation eg District Judges – exhibits bias. It does exist and has done for decades. I have not seen my children since that meeting in 2006. I don’t think mothers or fathers automatically are good, better, best. If you find my blogging unhelpful or uninteresting please do feel very free not to read or comment again. Don’t be ignorant. thanks Paul for your constructive and helpful comment. I apologise for my tone if you found it curt; it was not in keeping with my resolution to attempt to be more positive on the internet in 2019. Men have been perceived (biased) as being the protector, bread winner, man of the house (I can feel the formed opinions/biases already). . Well-meaning though they might be, they cannot physically restrain a man and reform him neither are they interested in doing so. Sadly I have to edit this post following my Twitter conversation on 19/03/17 with Peter who appeared to be relying on what I published as ‘expert advice’ that men could simply attend a school and remove their children without consulting the child’s mother or asking her permission. That can be perceived by many women as aggressive and frightening. A mother can choose with impunity to indulge in alienating behaviour, often with no sanction. Most men respect their wives very much and will do their very best to support and protect them .Some men just cannot do it (perhaps they are on the dole) and then we have a powder keg because idle brains leads to escapism (perhaps drugs) on his part. Thank you for pointing out that there is a distinction between a commiseration and an apology. The courts showed zero interest in my ability to support myself post divorce or the fact that I was almost made homeless and often could not afford to eat. If they don’t do so ,it is a clear contravention of Article 3 rights because their humanity is being degraded and they are being made to suffer mental torture so much so that ( in her case) she wishes to end it all. To find FACTS the Judge must have evidence. But there are unfortunatly some in both camps that are. Donations will be appreciated to augment the financial development aspect of the business plan. A demands outrageous financial settlement., 20% in excess of the market valuation plus other monetary demands. I had been thinking and worrying about it for a while. Rant over … maybe. Sorry,Sarah. What is needed is considerably more emotional intelligence around separation than I think many can demonstrate and I would be interested to find out more about WHY this is so, and what we can do to help.”. I understand the pain of abandonment however a hostile and toxic ex partner will frustrate all contact with the children and go the extreme of false allegations to destroy ones relationships or indeed their whole life. At least, that’s what Prof. Sonja Starr’s research on federal criminal cases suggests. You said There are hundreds of children in dire situations. Am I the exception or the rule? Sarah,in many cases the respondent’s barrister DOES protest . I see allegations of abuse made by one parent against another. We have men at the school gates. Whenever any lawyer has any doubt about what to do all citizens ask is that you follow simple principles like that. Judicial misconduct is discussed in depth. If the woman decideds to claim domesic violence then the man is automatically assumed to be guilty. We are all responsible for ourselves and our behaviour. I dont really see the merit for examle of responding to this comment posted earlier in the thread: ‘I believe it should be laid down in law,( to save any arguments), that mothers always should have care of any children in preference to a father UNLESS some sort of malicious behaviour or criminal child neglect can be proven against mother.’. I absolutely agree with all three points you make ,Sarah. We should all examine universal facts. ( really unusual) Cafcass ( who appointed themselves as guardian) ignored the psychologist they employed and also ignored the reports from the contact centre which expressed concern about things my daughter said. Sigh. No charges against her because she claimed PPD whoch was a lie. Yes,women and children may actually trigger the anger upon themselves by their own yelling or other bad manners such as lack of respect,ignoring Father ,playing games whilst talking to him and so on.This is family life and it is easy to imagine how women will portray anger,screaming and yelling and other controlling behaviour as abusive and look to end a relationship for that reason.I believe control of the family budget also leads to much argument How is it just and fair that B is not afforded the right of reply or defend? They have such low standards and very little sense of proportionality. I appreciate it might be nothing and marginal but why do you consider it to be “he impregnated her”? It is always heartening to see so many men so seriously committed to the welfare of their children, as I do have some heartbreaking examples of what happens when this isn’t so. In my opinion, more actual serious harm is done to mothers and children by the authorities ( including the CS). I don’t come home and shout at and belittle my family. These references should act as a spring board to further study in this area. I am always happy to publish guest posts, as long as they don’t identify children. Indeed it is quite absurd to suggest it. He or she will exercise their discretion and ordain that it would have made little differece to the outcome anyway. That is something we want to move on from, but the fact that it is culturally acceptable for a judge to banish a parent (if it’s a dad) to indirect contact in order to try to assuage mum’s rage and/or thirst to punish, is probably worse when we consider the long term development of the children and their own future relationships. One of the issues I have is the lack of early intervention which would be ‘invest to save’ as they say. For every dollar they collect in child support they recieve 66 cents. I have written before that present day cp professionals seem to have little understanding of humanity and again it is demonstrated. This also permeated through nursery,school, health professionals and societal perception as a whole. They don’t have to make up pleasing stories but the authorities do have to. This is especially important when contact is stopped while findings – often not even relevant to contact are initiated. This is a big but little acknowledged part of the problem I think. Evil mothers are rewarded for purgery. Then we can draw attention to common malpractices and persuade them to pay more attention to procedures. In the UK its close to 5 percent. I have experience of cases where this has happened but I have not seen a lawyer facilitating this; however they have to take their client’s instructions and do the best job they can for them. Required fields are marked *. I am not ‘sexist’. That must contrast with your professional experience where you’ll see that men constitute the overwhelming majority of applicants for CAOs – particularly for some form of cntact rather than to be the ‘primary carer’. It is easy to be angry at a perceived injustice or inequality, whether it happens inside or outside the courtroom, and I have been surprised to discover just how the world is not really set up to handle divorced couples. Giving the rest of us a bad name. Hard to say without statistics. My ex husband told me he was going to destroy me and he did. in this ‘new area of study’ that you are involved with/have been working on. I remembered how hurt I was when my own parents slung allegations at each other and I was 9. 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